Archive for belief system

HOW TO COMMUNICATE AFTER A FIGHT: SIX EASY STEPS TO RECOVER RELATIONSHIP HARMONY! by John Gray

Posted in General Management, Life Management with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 27, 2011 by Robert Finkelstein

Along with the inspirational quotes, the beautiful images, and my own personal and business blogs, I’ve added the writings and videos of various thought leaders. I trust you’ll like this addition to Behind the Scenes.

HOW TO COMMUNICATE AFTER A FIGHT: SIX EASY STEPS TO RECOVER RELATIONSHIP HARMONY! by John Gray

Wouldn’t it be great if your love relationship could be a bed of roses all the time? Imagine being magically transported to a land of brilliant sunrises and sunsets where there were no misunderstandings or hurt feelings, no sideways glares, no slammed doors, and no arguing. As much as any couple may avoid fighting, the truth is, one minute you may feel great passion, and the next you’re contemplating divorce!

Too many times we justify this shift in attitude by thinking that our partner’s behavior needs an overhaul. Funny thing though, it’s usually not about them! So what’s next? How can couples open the communication again and put an argument behind them?

Read on as we take a look at the six steps to leaving a fight in the dust and getting back on the road to lasting romance.

1. Take the Edge Off—Get a Little Space
The best way to stop an argument is to nip it in the bud. Men, in particular, need to cool off and think things through. Women need to make sure that they are not bringing a ‘cold-front’ to the negotiating table. This is a good time to reflect on how you usually approach your partner. Take a step back and think about how much you love this person. Also, focus on your own needs and take some self-healing time.

2. Ease Into It After Some Downtime

Approach each other slowly and softly after some downtime. Wait until you can feel positively about your partner and the relationship, as it’s impossible to work things out when negative emotions are still on the surface. If your anger, hurt or frustration is still overwhelming, take it as a sign that you are not ready to jump into solution-making. It’s too easy to blow things out of proportion unless you take a step back and ease in to the resolution slowly.

3. Nothing Too Serious
After some time has passed, come back and talk again, but in a loving and respectful way. Fueling the argument is not your goal. Take it easy, and keep the conversation light, because even though some time has passed, you still may not be able to be objective right away. Simple gestures like a smile, holding hands or getting your partner to laugh at something silly and unrelated to the situation can be good icebreakers.

4. Women Need to Talk
Women often need to completely talk the problem through before they are able to stand aside and put it behind them. Men can mistakenly feel blamed and attacked when a woman works through her problems by talking, so it’s a good idea for her to reassure him. By letting him know how much he is supporting her by listening, she will free him from feeling unappreciated or attacked as she rehashes the details of the upset.

5. Men Need to Be Forgiven
After a big blow-up, men simply need to be told that they are forgiven. The four magic words to support a man in getting over hurt or angry feelings are, “it’s not your fault.” A man hates to feel criticized, or that his partner disapproves of him. When a woman forgives her partner for his mistakes, she not only frees him to love again, but also gives herself permission to forgive her own imperfections.

6. Both Parties Need to Take Personal Responsibility
Couples can’t point fingers after an argument and expect things to get better. Both men and women have to acknowledge their own shortcomings and take responsibility in order to move on and improve communication. Men have to let go of being righteous, demanding and overly sensitive, while women have an opportunity to apply new and improved relationship skills to assure him that he is appreciated and that she does not blame him for the fight.

Learning to communicate with each other through stormy times is essential to the success of a long-lasting relationship. While the best advice we have for couples is to avoid arguments, the stresses of ordinary life can get in the way of even the happiest Martian and Venusian collaboration. Again, forgiveness really is key for both sides. None of us will ever find a mate who is perfect all of the time; however, we can be the best for the one who is most perfect for us.

– John Gray

If you’re interested in a complimentary 30-minute business strategy session, for more information, please refer to my Behind the Scenes Consulting. If you have questions, please email me at Consulting@RobertFinkelstein.com. I welcome your comments below. Thank you.

CREATING A NEW POSITIVE BELIEF SYSTEM by Mark Victor Hansen

Posted in "Creating a Positive Belief System" by Mark Victor Hansen, General Management, Life Management with tags , , , , on August 19, 2010 by Robert Finkelstein

In addition to the inspirational quotes, the beautiful images, my own personal and business blogs, the recommended reading list, and information on my consulting business, I would like to share some of the writings of various thought leaders.

CREATING A NEW POSITIVE BELIEF SYSTEM by Mark Victor Hansen

It is because of your belief system that you are where you are in life right now. You have created your success or failure with the beliefs that you have established within yourself.

Most people would be astounded to know how many of their beliefs are based on lack, limitation, and shortage—and that these thoughts reproduce themselves directly into their life experiences.

You owe it to yourself to think only of unlimited prosperity, because abundance IS reality. There is no lack, no shortage. There are no limits except for those we impose on ourselves. Prosperity doesn’t start with someone or something outside of you.

Get the picture yet? Your success or failure begins and ends with you.

Wow! Think about that for a minute. What you think and what you believe determines your success or failure.

Your conscious mind is a powerful thing. What you concentrate on comes back to you—multiplied. Your mind is a source of unlimited, overflowing abundance—and its manifestation into the physical world depends on your thoughts and beliefs. Your belief in the possibility or impossibility of a situation determines the outcome. If you don’t believe in the possibility of success, it’s just not going to be possible.

So, how do you replace your old, self-defeating belief system with a new prosperity-focused belief system? Start from within. Delete any “can’t do” beliefs you may have lurking deep inside, and start believing that you CAN.

But simply eliminating old beliefs is not enough. You have to replace them with new positive ones, because something must occupy that empty space. Remember, the universe abhors a vacuum, so choose something positive to take its place.

The second step is to stay away from the “can’t do” people in your life. If you can’t avoid them totally, then don’t get infected with their negativity. Give yourself a “prosperity booster shot” by remembering that the beliefs and opinions of other people do not have to become your reality. Someone is always going to try to tell you it’s not possible. You have to train your mind to block out these negative words.

Every time you hear a “you can’t—it’s not possible” say “NEXT!” to yourself and flip back to your new way of thinking. Tell them that you have moved forward, and that old, negative way of thinking has no place in your life. If they can’t accept the new you simply stop discussing your goals with them. Stay focused in your new mindset and become a joyful example of what happens when you believe in yourself and what’s possible. Think big and prosperous and you’ll get big, prosperous results. Think small and lacking and you’ll achieve just that. The choice is yours.

“Our inner image of ourselves and what we want to accomplish in life makes us become what we were meant to be.”

– Mark Victor Hansen

If you’d like a complimentary 30-minute business strategy session with me, for more information, please refer to my Behind the Scenes Consulting. If you have questions, please email me at Consulting@RobertFinkelstein.com. I welcome your comments below. Thank you.